How to Discuss Finances With Your Partner

While it is always important to foster open and honest communication with your partner, money and budgeting can be a significant point of contention. Many of us bring unique budgeting styles, financial goals, and financial habits to relationships, and it can be difficult to compromise and even learn from your partner. However, consistently discussing finances with your partner is critical to fostering a healthy relationship and portfolio. But where do you start?

• Learn about your own financial habits.

Many of us have clear, consistent financial habits, but have never explained your beliefs or methodology to yourself or to others. Before you can have a discussion with your partner, you need to better understand your own relationship with money. Try reviewing your debit and credit statements from the past month. What do you spend the most money on? Are your purchases planned or spontaneous? Are your spending habits conservative or liberal? You can also take a money personality quiz to better understand your view on finances and spending.

• Ask your partner to do the same

As you go about doing some soul searching, ask your partner to journal about their financial habits and to take the same quizzes as you. By doing the same activities, you can compare your habits and beliefs and see where they align and where they diverge. This is an excellent way to understand where you and your partner are coming from during financial discussions.

• Take baby steps

Often times, when we notice a problem in our life or in our relationship, we want to solve it all at once. However, it’s important to remember that the journey and the lessons you learn along the way are equally as important as the outcome. With that in mind, don’t jump into financial conversations by making heavy demands on your partner. Instead say, “I’ve been thinking a lot about our financial future, and I would love to talk about it more together.” It might be helpful to find an article, podcast, video, or quiz that resonated with you. Ask your partner to read, listen, or view the item and then have a conversation about it together. This is a meaningful task that gets the ball rolling but doesn’t feel overwhelming for either person. Moreover, if you’re asking yourself or your partner to change a habit or belief, set reasonable goals for each other and find ways to support and encourage each other.

• Use effective communication skills

During every discussion, but especially challenging discussions, it’s important to remain open and non-judgemental. Be aware of your tone, and if you become frustrated, name your feelings and suggest you return to the conversation after a 5 minutes break. Make sure you ask open-ended instead of leading questions. For example, instead of saying, “Don’t you know saving like that is dumb?”, you could ask, “Why did you select that saving strategy?” Often times, we make assumptions about our partner’s intentions. Instead, ask them to explain their intentions and beliefs so there is no miscommunication.

• Topics you should discuss

1. Amounts of debt and your plans for paying it off: How much debt do you have? Are you going to pay it off together or individually? When do you hope to finish paying off your debt? How much debt are you willing to take on?

2. Amounts of savings and assets: How much savings do you have? Are you going to retain some individual savings or are you going to have exclusively joint savings?

3. Spending habits: What do you spend money on each month? How much are you comfortable spending? How are our spending habits similar and different?

4. Financial habits: Do you pay bills right when they are received or right before the deadline? Do you save the minimum for retirement or take full advantage of your plan? Make a list of important decisions you make regularly and discuss these decisions with your partner.